PRETEND I'M THERE blurbs

Thank you to those who have written blurbs for my ebook (which will be out in a few months).

Here are 3 by the magesterial JOSH MADAY which touch me on the ass a little:

'Blake Butler writes out of a chocolate energy. Rumor has it his sideburns shanked a guy in prison, though they don’t like the way the words shanked and prison interact. Canned corn didn’t make it into the final cut of PRETEND I AM THERE BUT VERY LITTLE, but, thankfully, a singing tumor survived intact. The sentences are short and sharp like daggers thrust through the eyeball and into Broca’s area in a fit of hyperbole. PIATBVL starts innocently enough, with the sale of teeth to a museum and the money spent to replace a deceased dog. The replacement dog ends up being a diseased dog. Emails are written to Emily, an unresponsive spambot. But soon the story slips into a Lynchian waking dream where a sick, motionless dog has the power to terrorize and the interior of a house expands and contracts like the inside of a lung.'

'This ebook by Blake Butler, it made me feel like I had soaked my contact lenses in jalapeno juice. I felt like I had sprayed twelve bottles of Afrin up my nostrils. My hair felt shiny and powerful. My teeth felt scared and alone. My fingernails felt hard and tremendous. This ebook by Blake Butler wanted me to eat it. I would eat this ebook if I found it on my plate in a restaurant. The words, they got inside me, and they grew. I liked PRETEND I AM THERE BUT VERY LITTLE by Blake Butler very much. I liked it in a superlative way. The language in PIATBVL is chow mein. The sentences are teeth. I enjoyed living in this waking dream. It was strange, comforting, foreign, and familiar like a David Lynch film. I squirmed with anxiety and I liked it.'

'PRETEND I AM THERE BUT VERY LITTLE took me by the nose, held a gleaming straight razor to my neck, and looked me in the eye. When I walked away my neck was clean and my beard meticulously groomed. Inside, though, I was hemorrhaging.'

I will post some more blurbs later so people will squeeze my name between their tits a little for a minute.

Today is going to be.